what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
