Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
