Having a random hookup so left but love u
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
