Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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