u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
