I accidentally burped into my bong.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
