I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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