Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
