I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
