All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
