I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
The uberlube is also flammable
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Randomize
