if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
last night I used snow as a chaser
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
