Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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