Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
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