so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
