I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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