is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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