No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
