I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
