I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
