Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
