Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
