We got so high we made milksteak
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
