don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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