U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
