i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
