Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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