Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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