I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
