I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
