they need to just BURY HIM!
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Randomize