ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
