he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
