I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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