he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
