Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
