Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i love accidental penises.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
