he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I want to fling myself into the sun
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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