we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
