just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
