I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
