considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
