end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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