I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
We talked him into tasing himself.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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