He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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