friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
