He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
We are two peas in an std pod
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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