you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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