Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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