Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Randomize
