You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
