Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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