I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize