dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
How does one acquire holy water?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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