you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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