youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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