Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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