# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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