Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
