That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
