I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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