uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
