Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
