well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Apparently you make a good broom.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
