no, he came in my armpit
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
me + whiskey = a bad person
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