theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
