he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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