When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
