3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize