Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
