youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
My balls are so social today.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
The power of my boobs compel you
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
