and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
