I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
