I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
