there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
