Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
how drunk are you?
Several
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
