Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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