True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I'm always down for nudity.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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