I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Randomize
