GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
