How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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