I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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