i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
