I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize