omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Are my feet made of real feet?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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