Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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