belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
