Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
He has the fingertips of a God
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
