i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
