When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
