So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize