i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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