I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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