I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Randomize
